What The Fuck?

It's almost not a question.

I get it. Really I do. I graduated at the shittiest time since I've been alive. But do you realise how shit it is to be a 30 year old graduate, who had a job before university, who managed to get a first class honours degree, and who now can't get a fucking a job? Then add to that a history of depression, of thinking you aren't worth a crap anyway, of assuming that everything you do is crap thanks to a bitch of a mother? Assuming you can use the word "mother" to the woman who gave birth to me. Which, by the way, you can't.

The woman who gave birth to me, I refuse to say mother 'cause I've heard there are some nice ones, made sure that nothing I ever do will be good enough. I was an A/B student, played the flute, made orchestra and choir, made Head Librarian, Class Sports Captain, Class Captain and was up for School Captain before I left. What the fuck did you want? I did it all bitch, but it still wasn't enough. Was it that I out did you? Are you actually that pathetic? I have to say I don't know, what more is there? Or was it just that you made a fucking mistake, hated my dad and made me pay? That sounds a lot more like it.

I could deal with your fucked-upness if it wasn't for the screwed up socialisation.

" . . . only a mother could love" - fuck knows, I just know I heard it.

"Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own." -Aristotle

"A father may turn his back on his child, brothers and sisters may become inveterate enemies, husbands may desert their wives, wives their husbands. But a mother's love endures through all."-Washington Irving

"Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother's love is not."-James Joyce

"The desolation and terror of, for the first time, realizing that the mother can lose you, or you her, and your own abysmal loneliness and helplessness without her."- Francis Thompson

Yeah well FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU ALL.

A good parent is a good parent, a bad parent is a bad parent. Because not everyone is suited to it. Mine especially. I am, to all standard expectations, pretty fucking great as offspring. My mother's family thinks I rock too. After my mothers last fuck up my grandmother sent me a card telling me that she loves and values me and always will. Pretty fucking cool if you ask me.

But do you know what I can't shake? That fucked up idea that your mother is supposed to love you. That screwy invented notion that giving birth makes you a mother. That fucked up, human invented notion that a mothers love is guaranteed. Do you know where that fucked up idea leaves those of us born to bitches?

We will never get over it. Because no matter how brilliant we are, and I am pretty fucking brilliant, polls tell me I am, we can never be good enough, can never forget that our mothers didn't love us.

What the fuck did we do to deserve that?

I might have saved you fucking life if you hadn't screwed me over. Laugh it up now losers.

subtitle: Screw My Mother, I Can't Stand That Bitch.