Fat Acceptance Or (Every) Body Acceptance?

Be prepared for incoherent rambling, I have a point but I don't really know how to get it across.

I read shapely prose 'cause I think it's brilliant, insightful, witty and educational. And a lot of fun. And it makes me think. I also like following links from it and finding new and interesting blogs and otherwise great posts. When I caught sight of a link that said "Skinny girl asks "Is my body beautiful too?"" I followed wondering where it would take me.

It took me here.

I've been to Big Fat Deal before, and I like it. I liked that they posted the email from Alyssa because if we really want people to accept one body shape or size that's out of the norm I think we need understand that the insane so called beauty standards of this world affect everyone. I get that in a society that worships at the alter of slim that being fat/bigger/use-what-ever-word-suits-you is different. I have a bit of a clue as to what it might be like having at one point in my life gained, for me, a lot of weight and been a UK size 16. I know that it's actually the average size in the UK but FOR ME it was big. I am not saying that size 16 is big/fat for anyone else, it's just that for me going from a size 8 to a size 16 felt big.

Anyway, I'm not the point here. I warned that there would be rambling.

The point is that the insane constructed idea of "beauty" fucks with us all and I liked that they posted Alyssa's email because it highlights that, and that body insecurity can get anyone, that the constant bombardment of what we are supposed to be, how we should look and what is acceptable promotes insecurities in all shapes and sizes. I also liked the responses that the post got, at least for the most part. I wondered what the responses would be like, I wondered if there would be hostility because . . . I'm not actually sure how to express this . . . because I imagine when you face the shit people get for being fat it must be annoying/infuriating to hear some skinny little thing bitch about her issues. I kinda remember feeling a bit jealous myself when I was at my heaviest. Okay, a lot jealous.

Thankfully most of the comment authors are better people than me.

Mo Pie, the post author, pointed out that it's easy to forget, or maybe even not realise that skinny doesn't always mean acceptable. There is a constructed ideal and if you are outside of it well do something freak and get in to it! Except she says it better:

"They don’t fit into “the mold” either. Because you’re supposed to have curves, but the right kind of curves, and just the right amount."

Thinking about it now, just as an aside, does anyone actually fit "the mold"? Even the supposedly beautiful people are 'shopped. And that's after all the work they put in to being that size/shape, and hours in hair and make up.

And then there's the comments:

"I think we all have to remember that it is so truly rare in this society for ANY woman, no matter her size, to be 100% fully comfortable with her body 100% of the time. We all have flaws. It’s about defining beauty for yourself and not letting any one else tell you what it should or should not be." - April

"The most important thing is to get out there and feel confident. Wear a swimsuit, wear shorts. Pretend you’re a model and wear the tiniest bathing suit you can find." - Lori

"And yes, you not only “can” be beautiful, Alyssa, you ARE beautiful. Be good to yourself." - Meryt Bast

". . . and be it fat, in between or skinny, size acceptance means we all get a piece of the body-hate pie." - Seegz

"Your body doesn’t HAVE to be beautiful. Why should people be required to be beautiful just because they’re women?" - CassandraSays

These women fucking rock! I love their attitude, I read these blogs in the hope of learning to think this way about myself, because it doesn't matter what you weigh or how you look you can feel like shit about your body. I think lots of women do, and we should aim to accept all of us, to go with happiness in being ourselves not punishment because we don't match up to an idealised version of beauty that I doubt actually exists. Be you fat, thin, tall, shot, any colour, stature, hair colour, eye colour, what ever you are you are fucking fabulous because you are human. Call me species biased but humans are pretty amazing. I have nothing against other animals, they are cool too but I have to admit to thinking we are rather excellent. Think of the things our bodies can do, and the pleasure we can get from them. I love running (yeah I know, kind of freakish, but so what), the taste of dark chocolate, the sensation of sand running through my hand, the effect that red wine has on my head though I really love what champagne does to it! I love/hate being tickled, and I love that my body can't fucking decide which it is.

So on to the comments that I found disheartening. One in particular amounted to "deal with it". The idea was that the email author is more socially acceptable so her problems are hers and she should just grow the fuck up and stop being a whiny SKINNY bitch. I find that attitude disgusting. Yeah, fine, society might see her as more acceptable but she doesn't. The self hate may stem from something you don't get but it's still there. The insane beauty standards and expectations that make being fat socially unacceptable and may make you feel bad (I don't know you so it's an assumption) also make her feel bad. Your attitude suggests to me that you are treating her like the enemy. She's not. And your "it's your problem, just deal with it" is actually just another version of "if you feel bad 'cause your fat, diet, exercise, and shut up". It's the same bullshit attitude. For another individual the email made her feel angry that the email stepped in to her space. To me that's just another fucking socially constructed divide. Anyway she emailed, not knowing if it was the right thing to do, asking, and the blog authors decided to post.

I don't think we'll get fat/size/body acceptance until we accept each other, until we accept that these bullshit, money grabbing, socially constructed ideas about how people, and women in particular, should look are exactly that, and that they hurt all of us.

Hey, you were warned about the rambling, incoherence of this post, there is a point, I just haven't really got it yet.