Fat Acceptance Or (Every) Body Acceptance?

Be prepared for incoherent rambling, I have a point but I don't really know how to get it across.

I read shapely prose 'cause I think it's brilliant, insightful, witty and educational. And a lot of fun. And it makes me think. I also like following links from it and finding new and interesting blogs and otherwise great posts. When I caught sight of a link that said "Skinny girl asks "Is my body beautiful too?"" I followed wondering where it would take me.

It took me here.

I've been to Big Fat Deal before, and I like it. I liked that they posted the email from Alyssa because if we really want people to accept one body shape or size that's out of the norm I think we need understand that the insane so called beauty standards of this world affect everyone. I get that in a society that worships at the alter of slim that being fat/bigger/use-what-ever-word-suits-you is different. I have a bit of a clue as to what it might be like having at one point in my life gained, for me, a lot of weight and been a UK size 16. I know that it's actually the average size in the UK but FOR ME it was big. I am not saying that size 16 is big/fat for anyone else, it's just that for me going from a size 8 to a size 16 felt big.

Anyway, I'm not the point here. I warned that there would be rambling.

The point is that the insane constructed idea of "beauty" fucks with us all and I liked that they posted Alyssa's email because it highlights that, and that body insecurity can get anyone, that the constant bombardment of what we are supposed to be, how we should look and what is acceptable promotes insecurities in all shapes and sizes. I also liked the responses that the post got, at least for the most part. I wondered what the responses would be like, I wondered if there would be hostility because . . . I'm not actually sure how to express this . . . because I imagine when you face the shit people get for being fat it must be annoying/infuriating to hear some skinny little thing bitch about her issues. I kinda remember feeling a bit jealous myself when I was at my heaviest. Okay, a lot jealous.

Thankfully most of the comment authors are better people than me.

Mo Pie, the post author, pointed out that it's easy to forget, or maybe even not realise that skinny doesn't always mean acceptable. There is a constructed ideal and if you are outside of it well do something freak and get in to it! Except she says it better:

"They don’t fit into “the mold” either. Because you’re supposed to have curves, but the right kind of curves, and just the right amount."

Thinking about it now, just as an aside, does anyone actually fit "the mold"? Even the supposedly beautiful people are 'shopped. And that's after all the work they put in to being that size/shape, and hours in hair and make up.

And then there's the comments:

"I think we all have to remember that it is so truly rare in this society for ANY woman, no matter her size, to be 100% fully comfortable with her body 100% of the time. We all have flaws. It’s about defining beauty for yourself and not letting any one else tell you what it should or should not be." - April

"The most important thing is to get out there and feel confident. Wear a swimsuit, wear shorts. Pretend you’re a model and wear the tiniest bathing suit you can find." - Lori

"And yes, you not only “can” be beautiful, Alyssa, you ARE beautiful. Be good to yourself." - Meryt Bast

". . . and be it fat, in between or skinny, size acceptance means we all get a piece of the body-hate pie." - Seegz

"Your body doesn’t HAVE to be beautiful. Why should people be required to be beautiful just because they’re women?" - CassandraSays

These women fucking rock! I love their attitude, I read these blogs in the hope of learning to think this way about myself, because it doesn't matter what you weigh or how you look you can feel like shit about your body. I think lots of women do, and we should aim to accept all of us, to go with happiness in being ourselves not punishment because we don't match up to an idealised version of beauty that I doubt actually exists. Be you fat, thin, tall, shot, any colour, stature, hair colour, eye colour, what ever you are you are fucking fabulous because you are human. Call me species biased but humans are pretty amazing. I have nothing against other animals, they are cool too but I have to admit to thinking we are rather excellent. Think of the things our bodies can do, and the pleasure we can get from them. I love running (yeah I know, kind of freakish, but so what), the taste of dark chocolate, the sensation of sand running through my hand, the effect that red wine has on my head though I really love what champagne does to it! I love/hate being tickled, and I love that my body can't fucking decide which it is.

So on to the comments that I found disheartening. One in particular amounted to "deal with it". The idea was that the email author is more socially acceptable so her problems are hers and she should just grow the fuck up and stop being a whiny SKINNY bitch. I find that attitude disgusting. Yeah, fine, society might see her as more acceptable but she doesn't. The self hate may stem from something you don't get but it's still there. The insane beauty standards and expectations that make being fat socially unacceptable and may make you feel bad (I don't know you so it's an assumption) also make her feel bad. Your attitude suggests to me that you are treating her like the enemy. She's not. And your "it's your problem, just deal with it" is actually just another version of "if you feel bad 'cause your fat, diet, exercise, and shut up". It's the same bullshit attitude. For another individual the email made her feel angry that the email stepped in to her space. To me that's just another fucking socially constructed divide. Anyway she emailed, not knowing if it was the right thing to do, asking, and the blog authors decided to post.

I don't think we'll get fat/size/body acceptance until we accept each other, until we accept that these bullshit, money grabbing, socially constructed ideas about how people, and women in particular, should look are exactly that, and that they hurt all of us.

Hey, you were warned about the rambling, incoherence of this post, there is a point, I just haven't really got it yet.

Spidey Senses Are Go!

Yeah, yeah I know it's tingling Spidey senses and going Thunderbirds, but frankly I don't really care, I like better my way.

The point, since there is one, is this brilliant story.

A young autistic boy had crawled out on to a window ledge endangering himself, and wouldn't be coaxed/hauled back in by teachers. On hearing a remark from his mother about how much the kid loved comics one of the firemen in attendance Somchai Yoosabai, henceforth known as SuperFireSpidey, hightailed it back to the station to crab his Spiderman cossie. How fabulous is he? Pretty freakin' fabulous as far as I am concerned!

GO SUPERFIRESPIDEY!

My Favourite Movie Lesson

"Spouting one liners makes your bullets do extra damage."

Someone called Sausage_Demon said this on imdb about Resident Evil:Degeneration but I think we can all agree that it seems to be a universal rule. And that it goes beyond just bullets.

What The Fuck?

It's almost not a question.

I get it. Really I do. I graduated at the shittiest time since I've been alive. But do you realise how shit it is to be a 30 year old graduate, who had a job before university, who managed to get a first class honours degree, and who now can't get a fucking a job? Then add to that a history of depression, of thinking you aren't worth a crap anyway, of assuming that everything you do is crap thanks to a bitch of a mother? Assuming you can use the word "mother" to the woman who gave birth to me. Which, by the way, you can't.

The woman who gave birth to me, I refuse to say mother 'cause I've heard there are some nice ones, made sure that nothing I ever do will be good enough. I was an A/B student, played the flute, made orchestra and choir, made Head Librarian, Class Sports Captain, Class Captain and was up for School Captain before I left. What the fuck did you want? I did it all bitch, but it still wasn't enough. Was it that I out did you? Are you actually that pathetic? I have to say I don't know, what more is there? Or was it just that you made a fucking mistake, hated my dad and made me pay? That sounds a lot more like it.

I could deal with your fucked-upness if it wasn't for the screwed up socialisation.

" . . . only a mother could love" - fuck knows, I just know I heard it.

"Mothers are fonder than fathers of their children because they are more certain they are their own." -Aristotle

"A father may turn his back on his child, brothers and sisters may become inveterate enemies, husbands may desert their wives, wives their husbands. But a mother's love endures through all."-Washington Irving

"Whatever else is unsure in this stinking dunghill of a world a mother's love is not."-James Joyce

"The desolation and terror of, for the first time, realizing that the mother can lose you, or you her, and your own abysmal loneliness and helplessness without her."- Francis Thompson

Yeah well FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU ALL.

A good parent is a good parent, a bad parent is a bad parent. Because not everyone is suited to it. Mine especially. I am, to all standard expectations, pretty fucking great as offspring. My mother's family thinks I rock too. After my mothers last fuck up my grandmother sent me a card telling me that she loves and values me and always will. Pretty fucking cool if you ask me.

But do you know what I can't shake? That fucked up idea that your mother is supposed to love you. That screwy invented notion that giving birth makes you a mother. That fucked up, human invented notion that a mothers love is guaranteed. Do you know where that fucked up idea leaves those of us born to bitches?

We will never get over it. Because no matter how brilliant we are, and I am pretty fucking brilliant, polls tell me I am, we can never be good enough, can never forget that our mothers didn't love us.

What the fuck did we do to deserve that?

I might have saved you fucking life if you hadn't screwed me over. Laugh it up now losers.

subtitle: Screw My Mother, I Can't Stand That Bitch.

Hello You.

I have decided that the new Diet Coke advert annoys me so freakin' much that I will no longer drink Diet Coke.

What the fuck is "I gotta be me?" and why the fuck is Duffy in this advert riding a bike round a supermarket? Frankly it's just fucking weird and if that's what drinking Diet Coke does to you I want no part of it.

Of course there is the silly implication that for Duffy riding a bike round a supermarket in the few minutes break between sets is being herself. Does that mean being on stage singing isn't? Well don't do it then. Of course that would mean you wouldn't get paid to make shitty adverts like this. Hmmm.

And on the subject of annoying adverts, Iggy Pop and the car insurance advert (it's just been on which is why I remember it). What the fuck is that all about? It's just wrong. It's not that I'm annoyed that he is promoting a company he clearly doesn't use (they don't insure musicians), I never really expect that to be true. Does anyone truly believe that what's her face from Desperate Housewives uses a home hair colourant? Or that Reese Witherspoon uses Avon cosmetics? 'Cause I really don't. What's wrong with the Iggy Pop ad is that IT'S IGGY POP SELLING CAR INSURANCE. Surely there's no need for further explanation?

And, since I'm on a roll and listening to the radio, what's with that Taylor Swift song? Is that even how you spell her name? Aside from the fact that I can't stand it generally, there is a line she sings that goes something like "You were Romeo I was The Scarlet Letter, and my daddy said stay away from Juliet.". So Romeo and Juliet is the theme, tired but okay, but The Scarlet Letter? What? If I remember correctly, and it has been awhile so I might be a little off, isn't The Scarlet Letter a book about a woman publicly shamed and shunned for adultery? And the Scarlet Letter is her mark of shame? So how does any of this factor into Ms Swifts little ditty? Fucked if I know. Wait, said shamed lady has a kid as a result of her affair, and I think it's a girl, so is that it? Is Ms Swift's Juliet the result of adultery? That's the best I can do.