Dolphins And Ice Cream

My boyfriends mother is staying with us for a week or so. Doesn't sound too problematic really. Don't be fooled, it gets more so. You see during this time my lovely boyfriend is working, so I have to amuse, entertain and otherwise fill in the time during the day with his mum. And I had two days notice of her arrival. Don't get me wrong this is not an evil mother-in-law situation, his mum is lovely, the problem is me. I had a whole lot of things planned this week, not very interesting things admittedly, but things I wanted to get done. I get slightly miffed when my plans are wrecked. Ok, a lot miffed. Also I need to be able to get away. I do not do well when I have to play nice all day for days at a time. I need to be able to do nothing, have silence or be madly busy with music blaring. Also I was planning on dieting this week as next week I might have to brave a bikini. The thought scares the living crap out of me and I thought I'd up my exercise and be strict about treats in preparation. No chance now. Phooey.

Anyway, on to the actual day. We headed down to the beach near me (a complete joy when you live in a city) and had lunch in a walled garden at a local hotel. Most enjoyable. From there we headed down to the beach itself, and went for a long walk and more gabbing. As we headed back along the beach we found a good spot for a seat. We hadn't been seated long before we spotted dolphins frolicking about. We watched for a while. Then, as a ship came in to the estuary headed for the harbour, we were treated to the sight of them cruising along in front of it, jumping in teams and generally larking about with the big metal floaty thing. Man, they were having fun. I love dolphins. They always seem to have time for fun, even when hunting down food they know how to have a laugh. Possibly at us. It's just a feeling I have. I mean, there they are, all sleek and swimmy, dashing about chasing fish or just cruising the oceans, jumping 'cause they can, no mortgage, car insurance or job to worry about. Ok, they do have to be concerned about our stupid fishing nets, and the crap we dump in the oceans, but they do not make rods for their own backs. So who's the freaking smart species here ?

Slight digression there. After watching the dolphins, and catching sight of a few seals, we headed for ice cream And what fabulous ice cream. There's a little Italian place that does the most amazing home made ice cream. Yummmmm. Add a little shopping, and a new dress purchased by said lovely sort of mum-in-law, and it was a really nice day. Of course then I had to cook dinner. I like cooking, I just don't like cooking for people other than me and my man. In case I suck. Ah, the sour smell of perfectionism again. Never mind. My night is winding down now, little.

I let you know how tomorrow goes. If I remember.

Irregular Blogging Practices

It would appear that I am not very good at this whole blogging thing. I forget about the damn thing for days at a time and when I do remember I never seem to have anything I think is interesting enough to say. I have a couple of topics I'd like to post on but they would actually take some research, and frankly, I have far more important things to be doing with my research time than working on my blog.

Breaking Plan News

Plan A - No time machine as yet. Apparently there are some technical difficulties.

Plan B - Turns out I can't take enough coffee to stay awake over night. There were pretty lights and things. Fairly sure the wall spoke to me.

Plan C - This Plan kind of came together. But then it ran away. Too much stress the note said.

Now the plan is just to get as much done as possible and not worry about the rest. Ha.

Two Films And A Book

Well it was an eventful weekend for me. Ok, not exactly eventful. I'm hyping it up a little. Maybe a lot. Definitely a lot. There was the Saturday morning hangover, and this time I tried my boyfriends cure. Sleep through it. It worked better than any of mine. I might try it again.

So to the events.

First, the new, and final, Harry Potter book came out. Personally I wasn't one of those who camped out overnight, or pre-ordered it. It all seemed a bit pointless. It's not like the publishers where going to produce just a handful was it ? Buying a copy was unlikely to be an issue. I mean they wouldn't have wanted to leave anyone in the awful predicament of having to borrow it off their lucky friends. Where's the profit in that ? And as I expected, I had no problem picking up a copy at a reasonable time of day. Post hangover of course.

I did a little rereading before allowing myself to curl up and set out on the new adventure. I thoroughly enjoyed the final instalment. It hit all the right spots as far as I am concerned. I won't say any more on the unlikely chance that someone stumbles across this before they read it. I'll wait a little. After finishing it I checked out some of the Harry Potter forums. I do not by nature frequent forums, but none of my friends had finished reading it I just wanted to share some of my "Did you.....?", "I can't believe....." "What about ...." and "OH MY SAINTED AUNTS !!!" with someone. Ok so that last one is somewhat more polite than I would normally be, but there might have been kids present. I really wish I hadn't bothered. I did not share any of my happy with anyone, just left wondering WHY ?

Why do some people ask really stupid questions ? Did they read the book ? No, really, I'd like to know. Questions along the lines of "What was X about ? They never mentioned it again." So the next chapter wasn't in your copy then ? Pivotal pieces of the story where missing from just your copy ? I'd get a refund. Or "What happened to Y ?" Again I ask, did you actually read the book ? 'Cause in my copy it told you what happened to Y. Really it did. We are not talking about curious little details here, not things that only a true obsessive, clued into every last twist and turn, would get, we're talking about fairly major plot pieces. I might be having a go at kids here which seems dashed unsporting but, to be honest, I think the stupid questions where from adults. I suspect most kids were off talking to their pals about it, in person. Having read and completely understood the whole thing. Possibly on levels way beyond anything I did, or care to. It seemed to tick off some other people too. They could be bothered posting replies.

Next gripe. The number of people who thought that the whole thing was way too predictable. This hacked me off. As another kindly, hacked off type pointed out the author has been leaving clues as to the direction the book might take, and people have been generating theories for about a year. If you regularly visit the forums, discuss the clues, or possible clues and read the theories then yes, it's possible, even likely, that you anticipated some of the book, maybe more. I didn't. And neither did everyone who will ever read the book. So no, I didn't think it was predictable beyond what I have learned to expect from a grand good v evil storyline. Very few of those have a totally unexpected outcome. Go figure.

And on to all those who decided they didn't like where Ms Rowling took the book - go write your own. Oh I really am a sour puss sometimes. And I like it.

So much for the book, on to the films. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix and Transformers. Enjoyed the Harry Potter film. Dolores Umbridge was ever bit as fluffy and unpleasant as she should be. Well dome Imelda Staunton. When I read the book I couldn't imagine who would play her, and while Ms Staunton lacks the toad like quality, I think any actress would have, I thought she was marvellous. All the more offensive for her pink fluffiness. Transformers was brilliant. Cheesy, funny and plenty of giant transforming robots. Perfect. Shia LaBeouf was fab. I first really noticed him in Holes where he did a great turn as Stanley Yelnats and he was highly entertaining again as Sam Witwicky. To be honest, right at this moment I can't think of anything else to say about it. But that's because I am tired, not anything to do with the film. Optimus Prime rules. Yay.

Need to go sleep. Too much Potter reading.

Plan

I've asked my boyfriend to use his tech know how to build a time machine. Admittedly this is not the first time I have made this request but I hoping this time it pans out. This is Plan A.

Plan B is to drink enough coffee to stay awake for the next two weeks.

Plan C is under construction.

I Seem To Have Misplaced Several Weeks

I have lots to say today, and no time to say it. The aforementioned good friend made me realise that I have shed loads less time to get things done before a trip than I thought I did. Crap. Maybe I could buy a sense of time ? I must go and flail about pointlessly in panic for a few hours while trying to formulate a Plan.

Said Plan will allow me to fit seven weeks worth of stuff into two.

The Vagina Institute

I found this site through an article from the f word.

My first reaction to The Vagina Institute, the site that claims to hold statistical information about the femininity of vaginas was,

Wah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !

I mean really, factors that make a vagina low in femininity ?! Get a grip, it's feminine by definition....it's a freaking VAGINA.

And why would I want to pay $17.95 a month to enter the members area ? Members area !! Ha ha ha ha. Sorry, I am that juvenile sometimes.

Then another thought hit me and the laughter left. This is yet another attempt to define women by their bodies and imposed standards of acceptability and beauty. My response to that ? To quote an excellent t-shirt, fuck your fascist beauty standards. They claim to be able to tell you "how the perfect feminine vagina looks" and allow you to find out how closely your vagina relates to this perfection. 'Scuse me ? A perfect feminine vagina ? As already stated a vagina is feminine, I mean it can't be anything else. Can it ? Perfect ? What the hell is perfect ?

The site asks the question “How many women have looked at their genitals and wished that they were better looking, tighter and tidier ?”. Hmmmm. To be honest I have never looked at mine and wished it was anything of those things. Maybe I don't spend enough time looking at/thinking about the attractiveness of my reproductive organs. That would be 'cause I have a freaking life. The Vagina Institute does not expect us to answer this question by ourselves however, it informs us “The answer would surprise you, and we all know what the answer is, since it's a given” Eh ? If the answer is a given and we all know it why would it surprise me ? Gits. They do seem to have difficulty forming coherent sentences. I mean I'm bad but this is just ridiculous,

“As female genitals become more publicized and as men and women start expressing their desires more openly. Many women will feel insecure that they do not measure up! In their most intimate of body parts.”

Among the many things that bugged me about this site, the many, many things, were the pictures. What exactly does a posed naked woman have to do with this ? What do several posed naked women have to do with this ? Especially the one with her back to the camera and her knickers pulled down to just below her bum ? And why are all the close up shots hairless or nearly so ? I'm thinking of a word, four letters long, it begins with P and ends in N. There's an O and R in the middle.

Then the laughter came back. You see, you can apparently have Embarrassing Vagina Situations. Vaginas can cause public embarrassment. There's an area for members to discuss the embarrassing things their vaginas do. What are they, separate entities ? Do they have temper tantrums and run amok while you are shopping ? Kick up hell when you tell them they can't have a new toy ?

Samara Ginsbergs article deals with the whole thing better than I can but I just had to mention it.

A New Torment, Admittedly Self Imposed

Who knew this whole blog thing would be so stressful ? I can assure you I most certainly did not. The aforementioned good friend did not give any hint that blogging was anything other than an interesting past time, useful for blowing off steam, perhaps delivering an opinion or two, wittering even. So I did not think that I would find my mind desperately searching for a suitable subject for my second post.

Why the desperate search ? Well, as I see it blogging presupposes that someone somewhere at sometime will read what you write, and possibly, hopefully, continue to read what you write, even if intermittently. Otherwise you'd keep a diary or journal in the privacy of your own home, possible stashed under your mattress. So what you write on your blog should, apart from allowing you to indulge in some of the previously mention activities, attempt to entertain, amuse, inform even. Given that I am not Jane Austen, Oscar Wilde or George Orwell, or anywhere close, this thought causes my brain to panic, then seriously consider packing up and moving to a less demanding location, maybe with some sunshine and excellent cocktails.

You see I have two conflicting problems; perfectionism and laziness. I want everything I write to be well, if not expertly, crafted. Words to entertain, possibly with a little bit of amazement thrown in. Unfortunately I am by nature lazy so I can't be arsed to put in the effort required. Oh well. I will save the effort for the things that I will actually be judged on by people who know me. Even that's more effort that I can really be bothered with. This blog, and any who choose to read it, will just have to put up with any old crap I can be bothered to write. Maybe it will help me get over my laziness and deal with my perfectionism. After all if I write shoddy nonsense in a public forum on a regular basis it should help. Ha.

Introduction

Well, here I am. I have, on the advice of a good friend, set up a blog. Hmmm. Not sure about this lark any more, not sure I have anything of enough interest or importance to say. It seemed like a good, nay great, idea at the time but faced with a screen that wants words I fear I have none. A condition that will amuse those who know me. If I ever tell them about this.

Perhaps inspiration will strike and I will think of the most entertaining stories to tell. I have my doubts. Perhaps aiming for not too dull is a more laudable aim. I will cross my fingers and hope for the best.